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Purdue Retiree Tries Online Dating
By Sara Jane Coffman |
 Years ago, I tried online dating. I didn’t meet anyone, probably because instead of responding in an encouraging way to my matches, I sent them back messages correcting their grammar, punctuation, spelling, and run-on sentences.
I mean – use spell check, people! One gentleman described himself as “a kind and gentle sole.” (I think he meant “soul.”) That wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t identified himself as a “college professor.” Another guy wrote that he was “raised old school and was a “gentlemen.” (Multiple personalities?)
The photos of my potential matches weren’t exactly what I was looking for either. Some of the men were wearing oxygen masks. Some posted pictures with their arms around their late wives. (Or at least that’s who they said they were.) The most promising match was a guy wearing bib overalls and holding a huge fish in his arms. At least he had a big smile on his face. Not everyone was forthcoming about providing information about themselves. On the questionnaire, we were asked to identify our body types. One of my matches wrote: “I’ll tell you later.”
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The ones who identified themselves with nicknames like: “PryoJack,” “Evil 3,” “MasterMojo,” and “Mr. Wundurful” I thought were too forthcoming.
The main problem was that my interests, background, and hobbies didn’t seem to line up with theirs. For instance, here were some of the things they wrote when asked to describe the kind of women they were looking for:
“I have a pit bull named Tyson.” (Hm. And you’re telling me this -- why? Is there more that I should know?)
“The woman I’m looking for must be able to discuss issues without arguments.” (So you’d expect me to always agree with you?)
“I like riding my Harley. Am hoping to find that special lady to share my life with and a cold beer. I’m in the middle of remodeling my home so things are pretty much a mess around here and my Harley is still in my family room with a new motor half installed.” (Um. Maybe you should finish your project first?)
“My goal is to enjoy life and all it has to offer. Like going to garage sales.” (O.. . . Kay. . . .)
“I’m looking for a sexually adventurous friend or companion who is well read and educated.” (Is that all?)
“I walk and enjoy the exercise of walking at least 2 miles each day in an effort to hold my weight down. Even though I’m not obese I sure would hate to pop a button off and shoot someone’s eye out.” (Oh, my. Maybe too much information.)
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“I am active, alive and interested in moving forward so why not give me a chance as I will do the traveling, stay in a ‘nice’ hotel in your area and meet you as time allows. I can jog and walk the streets of your area when you are busy with your normal life. I am not getting any younger!” (This is disturbing on so many levels.)
I’ll admit – there was a profile I liked and I did send the guy a message. He answered back, saying that he’d already found a match. But he had a cousin he could fix me up with. (I declined.)
Maybe I should go back and take another look at the guy with the pit bull.
It could be a friendly pit bull. |
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I would like to start off by thanking you for your generosity! The scholarship which I received from you is very appreciated and it has helped me fund my college education! My name is Sierra Cox, and I am from the state of Indiana. My major here at Purdue University is Law and Society (Criminology) and I am also minoring in Mandarin Chinese. I am also currently debating on double minoring with global studies. For my career, I hope to work in a field related to foreign policy or sociological research. My expected graduation date is May 2024. Receiving this from you means the world to me because it allows me to focus more on my studies and not on how I am going to obtain the money to pay for my education. This funding allows me to be involved in intramural sports when it is safe to do so. I have played volleyball all of my life and I would love to be able to continue it for fun at Purdue! This funding also allows me to immerse myself in my studies. Learning new things is fun to me. I believe that knowledge is one of the best qualities a person can have. I cannot express my thankfulness enough. I now have to worry less (or not even at all) about financial concerns. 
Hi there. My name is Hannah Stettler. I am a sophomore studying Veterinary Nursing and I am expected to graduate in May of 2024. I am writing this letter to thank you for supporting me through my college career. 
For this month’s Tech Bytes, it’s worth reminding PURA members of ITaP’s alert email, sent to the campus on March 25, 2022.